It is common sense that one cannot insult or taunt one’s partner.
But there are also some habits that may not seem destructive on the surface but can have a negative impact on the relationship in the long run.
In a report published on Well&Good.com, Elizabeth Ernst, a US-based couple’s therapist and founder of the relationship counseling platform Our, said, “Most of these habits have noble intentions. And that’s why a man feels he’s fulfilling his duty to the relationship. But it is actually the opposite.”
Taking all responsibility on your shoulders
With every relationship there are some responsibilities and duties which are shared by both parties. When it comes to married life, housework, child rearing, maintaining sociality, taking care of family etc. are important.
“I often see one partner take on most of the responsibility early in the relationship and the other either doesn’t want to or can’t figure out what to do,” says Ernst. The thought of the one who is taking extra responsibility is that he wants to do the details himself out of love for his partner. Later the busyness increases, the responsibilities increase and at some point the additional responsibilities that one takes on one’s own shoulders increase the frustration.”
He adds, “It’s wise to balance the partner responsibilities you’ve shouldered before they become a burden. Otherwise, at some point the situation will become such that all the responsibilities will fall on you alone.”
Hobby when burden
A relationship with a man who has different types of hobbies is undoubtedly interesting and exciting. You have some hobbies of your own. When these two people’s lives become intertwined, the sum of their passions can become unreal.
It may not be possible for both of them to fulfill their hobbies after fulfilling the responsibilities and duties of daily life.
“This is very common in couples who are established in their careers,” says Ernst. Both are very busy with their respective careers, working hard to fulfill their dreams. The time that is left outside of this has to be taken care of. Still, if they survive for some time, they focus on their hobbies. Then their question is where has the closeness between us disappeared? Why do we often quarrel?”
He added, “The problem here is that you agree to everything without being selective about how important it is to you. These couples want to be supportive of each other’s hobbies, which is definitely a good thing. But those damadols don’t have time for themselves anymore. So it is important to discuss with your partner before joining anything new.”
Accumulation of Stress in the Mind
Earnest says, “After an argument between the two, he sometimes said that it’s not your fault, I’m under a lot of pressure. If so, you understand how easily stress can take a toll on your relationships.”
Even if the stress is kept in the mind again, the stress increases. So if you don’t share your thoughts with your partner, it will also cause stress.
Its external manifestation can be different. Either you will be in a very irritable mood or you will withdraw yourself from everyone and lie quietly. Both are harmful to relationships.
He also said, “So what is the solution? Dealing with stress together, discussing problems among themselves to lighten up. That is why it is important for both of them to talk about their daily life events throughout the day.”
Limiting the use of technology
It is important to ensure that the use of technology does not cause tension in the relationship between the two. Enjoy whatever time you have for yourself, don’t waste it on your phone.
“Many people don’t realize how much technology affects their daily lives,” says Ernst. If your attention is on the phone while sitting with your partner, your partner will feel unimportant. The idea of working from home during the pandemic has further blurred the line between work and personal life.”
“Two people are sitting together, the phone or laptop is placed next to them. You might be thinking, spending time together, but what is it really? What is the focus of the two? In such a situation, hours passed without a word between the two. The focus is on that mobile or laptop.”
If those technology products were not at hand, then there would have been a story between the two. So the main thing is not to be together, but to pay attention to each other.
He suggests, “You can make rules for the use of technology through discussion among yourselves. For example, you should not pick up a phone while you are talking or eating together. Technology is not the only one to blame. Two people can sit side by side and talk to each other through technology. Again, attention to each other is the key.”
